Saturday, November 28, 2009

Standards

I went to the gym with a friend of mine tonight. As we were approaching my apartment I was talking about how God has been working in my life. I said, “God has been working in my life. He has been speaking to me in a lot of different ways. I have the feeling that something is coming I don’t expect; I can see the shape of it underneath there but I don’t know what it is.” Pam got a funny expression on her face, “It’s a man!” she declared. I said, “yeah and he’s all spiritual and stuff.” Pam replied, “And he breathing!” So I said, “and he likes to cook.” Pam stated emphatically, “he’s breathing and he can walk!” I looked at her and said, “Your standards are so much lower than mine…..”

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Today I Am Old……Yes it is True

Yesterday I went to the gym; as I was signing in I asked for a diet raspberry tea. The girl behind the counter said, “Your usual?” I said by way of a small joke, “line ‘m up Joe and I promise not to get snockered.” I walked over to the cold box; as I was reaching in I hear, “old people have such cute expression!”
OMG where is the Clairol!!!! I am not that old! I won’t reach the new middle age for seven years. Mmmmm maybe I’ll just have my mid-life crisis early. Purple hair here I come.

Insane Cat Lady

Misty and I have been discussing Halloween costumes; she thinks since we have our own apartment this year she should dress up and have fun. I really have never been a fan of dressing cats up in silly costumes and told her so, but she would have none of it. In an effort to be supportive I suggested she dress as Catkenstein. Misty thought that might be ok until I started talking about how we could stick bolts to the sides of her head; then she said she had changed her mind about the whole Catkenstein thing. Later Misty thought of being Catpira, but I said did she really want to show that much cleavage at her age? So she flounced off in a huff and glared at me from the top of the cat tree. That always gives me the willies. She just might decide to pounce on me or something…… After she calmed down I suggested she be a clown (I mean after all she was acting like one). She said no. Cow Cat… She said if I wasn’t going to be serious to shut up! Hummmmm I thought we were supposed to be having fun;-) Finally I said why didn’t she go as an alley cat? All she would have to do is get nice and dirty, but now that she is an apartment cat she is above that sort of thing…..
CATS!!!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

And the Coffee Guy Smirked

A co-worker gave me a cappuccino machine for Christmas; I love it! I had been debating about whether or not to get one for several months. I had listed all of the pros, like it would save money, and the cons, like would I actually use it? I was basically hem - hawing around when my co-worker intervened and got me one.
After I had had it about a month I drove by my coffee place in the middle of the day and decided to grab a quick one. The owner stuck his head out the window and said, “where you been?” I explained about the machine and how much money I was saving on coffee, gas, time, and wear and tear on my car. (I did not go in to the fact I enjoyed knowing how many calories I was getting or that I liked the flavor of my homemade cappuccinos better.) The coffee guy said, “Oh this happens every year. A few of our customer’s get a machine, but they always come back (eye roll), they always say theirs is never as good as ours!” This week I was driving by good old coffee shake on my way from work to do some shopping when I stopped impulsively to get a quick cappuccino. The next morning I took off for work and half way there I realized the reason I was so hungry was that I had forgotten my breakfast. It was wet and cold so I figured I would get a muffin and a coffee at the coffee place, because it would be quicker than Sonic. The owner stuck his head out the window and smirked, wiggled his eyebrows and said, “You’re usual?”

Saturday, February 7, 2009

In Other News

In other news today a microwave escaped from it's box causing havoc at a local Wal-Mart store. The microwave was subdued by a security guard. An eyewitness exclaimed, "I was just so scared-I mean what if that thing had gotten to a PLUG!" Tonight investigation has revealed that this tragic incident could have been averted; if only packer 137 had not forgotten to apply one of the fourteen thousand pieces of wire to the packaging.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Epiphany

After years of sharing a house with my folks I am moving to my own apartment. I have been thinking about all the stuff I am going to have to buy. I have been making lists and obsessing about kitchen wares and appliances. Microwave ovens, toaster ovens, big ones, little ones, what kind should I buy? Should I get a browning microwave oven? I was wondering around Wal-Mart today comparing prices and thinking about kitchen colors; when it occurred to me…… I never eat toast!!!! Why would I need a toaster oven?