Those of you who know me know I have been unemployed for several years. God continues to provide for me and meet my needs but most of the provision comes in the form of the things I need and not much in the way of hard cash. I am not complaining but putting the story in context. Last week I became aware of a financial need; money was being collected to meet it. I wanted to help. The desire to be a part of what was happening became a seed in my heart, a seed I prayed over and hoped for. As I prayed I felt that God would provide a way to give and I pledged an amount to him. It seemed so small but I was at peace about it and prayed and asked God to provide it. I began to scheme about how I could raise the money and then God provided it in a way I wasn’t expecting. He didn’t need my help at all.
I had the money. I was so glad. God was indeed faithful to meet the desire of my heart He is so amazing. Then something began to happen to me. I started adding up the things I needed for the week; I began to feel conflicted about the money. It was the money that God had provided, giving it was going to leave a hole in my pocket. It was unexpected money and God had provided enough, just enough. I went to my Mother I explained my feelings. I did not want to renege on the pledge I made to God, but I felt I needed to say it out loud. I needed to tell someone else my attitude was wrong and I needed help to be right in my heart. I began to pray that God would give me peace. I prayed if I could not be joyful that I could at least give unstintingly. As I prayed I felt peace begin to settle over me, but my attitude was still wrong.
I went to church and one of the first things I heard was how wonderfully the need had been met and I thought to myself, “What if they don’t need THE GIFT God provided!” I began to feel cheated! What if God’s blessing was in vain? So I tracked someone down who would know and found out I could still give The Gift. And then I had to laugh at myself. God’s mind is so amazing! In a finger snap I had gone from a begrudging giver of the “money” to a desperate carrier of God’s blessing. My God, He is so wonderful!